New

I plan to do this more often, it bugs me that I don't have enough to add or say in this all the time.  The job I wanted so much gets in the way of the rest of me sometimes.  I feel like a million dissipating minnows at the touch of a toe in the water.  I could go any of a trillion ways right now.  I feel this need to surround myself with purely comforting things.  I want to feel that "home" is the most relaxing place in the world (wherever that is) and all I can say at the moment is that where home currently is, is not.  I'm stuck at the wiggle before the pounce.  I find it so cool that out of nowhere things like the right colour coffee table and the properly positioned vase can make me so happy.  It's something so simple.  I would rather that coffee table be in MY comfortable home though.  I've made a promise to myself tonight not to be unhealthy anymore.  I think as a general rule, that's a pretty good one.  No more eating shit, no more taking shit, no more talking shit...  I want things like yoga and walking and taking time for myself to be my solace.  Not the complaining and face stuffing I feel like I do so much of lately.  Maybe that novel is a good idea to start.  A plan to make a plan.  To move.  Sounds good.

It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we can't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed.

CHUCK PALAHNIUK, Choke